A Bear's Contentment
(This is a work of fiction, and no real persons or events are depicted. Safe sex practices are not depicted; but in real life, get tested and always play safe. If you have comments, please contact the author at firstname.lastname@example.org)
(Copyright 2010, all rights reserved. No part may be reproduced electronically or otherwise without the author's express permission)
Daniel sat at the rivers' edge, dangling his feet in the slowly moving water, feeling them being caressed softly by the flow, the gentle sounds of the current suiting his peaceful reverie. He enjoyed his solitude, despite being in a public park. In the distance he could hear people talking, laughing; he could hear the minimal traffic of the small town, it all flowed around him, surrounding him yet not touching him. He had lived here for years, known by many for his jovial nature and ready smile, yet not truly a part of the community. People liked him but didn't truly know him; he could have a pleasant conversation with almost anyone in town, yet it was as if he drifted through his life and theirs without forming solid connections, just as the river flowed over and around his feet. In his fashion, he was content. Like the river, his life ran smoothly and steadily, with only an infrequent bump.
His time growing up had been relatively uneventful, a shy and reserved only child, finding his best friends in his books. A voracious reader, he explored places and worlds outside of Midwestern America, thrilled to adventures and romances that would never be his yet he could experience through the written word. He didn't settle on one genre, finding that too limiting, instead he perused it all with the same enthusiasm.
He found himself withdrawing from his peers more as he grew in height and girth at an early age, soon followed by a sprouting of dark hair – first his legs and arm pits, then his face and chest. By junior high school, he found himself dreading gym class, not just because of his lack of athleticism or grace, but because of the locker room teasing he had to endure – monkey boy, Dan the ape-man, furball. His size kept the teasing mostly verbal and seldom to his face, and he wrapped his feelings tightly inside himself so that he didn't need to respond to the taunts. The more the other boys tried to get a rise out of him, the stronger the walls inside of him grew, until he could laugh at their jokes and then just turn away, finding that a smile more readily diffused the situation than ignoring it or getting angry. Eventually, as others matured and he didn't stick out so much, the teasing died away, but the emotional wall he had built remained.
Like the other guys at his high school and like his friends in literature, he dated several girls, finding the experience pleasant but not worth spending all his time pursuing. Despite his not unsuccessful explorations, he determined that he just wasn't that interested in women sexually – he could perform, but it was without passion or need, it was enjoyable but the spark wasn't there.
As he sped through all the literature courses he could fit into his schedule, his parents and teachers encouraged him to exploring writing, but he found he had little original to write about. His book reviews for the school paper were thorough and well thought out, but often included references few of his class mates understood. He found editing the school's literary magazine more to his taste, finally connecting with other students as he offered helpful suggestions regarding their short stories or poetry, never condescending or comparing them to literary giants but instead encouraging their creativity and growing talent, proud of their expanding ability and confidence.
Graduation came and went, another passage in his life. He was cordial enough in his congratulations to everyone else but did not feel he would miss anything when he left. He had wanted to commute to a local college, living at home with his parents, but they wouldn't hear of it. They felt going away to school might break him out of his shell, and so across state he went. Indeed, it was eye opening for him, seeing whole new sides of life. His freshman roommate was easy enough to deal with, as neither made waves – but they both lived their own lives, and parted ways with a handshake at the end of the year. In order to help pay his own way, he became a Resident Assistant at the dormitory starting his sophomore year, now having a room all to himself. His easy manner yet fiercely bearded face kept his floor in order, with few problems. He found himself again going out with some women whom he met in class, but found himself more interested in discussing reading assignments than the eventual fooling around. It always ended up a friendly parting, neither side expecting a more permanent situation, yet he found it more distracting than worthwhile.
Eventually, he discovered that it was not only the women that were interested in him, but that seemingly a large number of slight, smooth men were as well. At first he was amused by this, but as one term and then another passed, he found himself curious. It was awkward, figuring out if the other was truly interested that way or if offense would be taken. He started to accept invitations to study together or to grab a bite to eat, eventually finding himself alone in the room of one of these slender young men, Jim by name. When he felt a hand move to brush across the chest hair spilling from his open shirt collar, he tentatively opened his arms and then wrapped his admirer in then, the hug becoming tighter and longer as he felt a face nestle into the crook of his neck and arms reach around his lower back. His heart was beating harder now, the hug both tender and protective. They stood for what seemed hours, settling into each other, until they both sighed. The peace he felt in that first true bear hug was almost like the peace he felt in his solitude, yet in the presence of another. Too soon, it ended, as the hands behind his back moved forward to begin unbuttoning his shirt.
The women he had been with frequently seemed to shy away from his hairy body, more interested in his touch than in exploring him. This was totally different, as he felt his fur stroked and brushed with almost reverence, his brown beard fingered and kissed. As they slowly removed each other’s shirts, the feel of another's fingers caressing his soft fur sent shivers through him. As he leaned his head down for a kiss, instead he felt warm lips brush over his now exposed nipple, as hands ran across his furry back. He pulled his partner into another hug, feeling the insistent mouth kiss and suck on his nipple, feeling his chest hair brush across the smooth cheeks. His hands wandered up and down the slender back, holding and supporting, as he kissed the top of Jim's head. He found himself growing harder faster than he ever had with a woman, as his body was suddenly appreciated for what it was. He luxuriated in the feel, until with a quick nip Jim brought him back to his senses enough for them both to undo their belts and strip off pants and underwear, falling to the twin bed wrapped in each other’s arms, kissing now in earnest.
Their time together passed quickly yet lasted forever. Jim explored every inch of the Daniel's sturdy body with hands and lips, kissing and tickling and bringing him more physical pleasure than he had ever experienced before. Jim's body was as smooth as any of the women he had been with, yet more muscled and firm; however Jim was less interested in being explored than he was in exploring, in worshiping the big hairy man he was with. Finally moving back into a kiss, Jim covered the hirsute body with his own and obviously luxuriated in the feel of the fur against his smooth skin from chest to calf. As both cocks responded, seeping pre-cum, instinct took over and both young men began a slow steady thrusting against each other, their engorged members rubbing and sliding easily as they lubricated each other. Hands groped and grabbed, more frantically, until all too soon the sensations became too much and they exploded, their hot white man seed coating smooth and hairy belly alike. They lay in each other’s arms for a time, breathing hard, until Jim rolled off and said how much fun that had been, tossed over a handful of tissues and announced that they had better clean off as his roommate would soon be back from his evening class.
Wiping his sticky belly, Daniel sat up and pulled his pants on, then stood and tossed on his shirt without buttoning it. He opened his arms for a hug, but Jim was busy straightening things up.
As he made to leave, Jim hurried over and gave the hairy chest one last rub, saying "we have to do this again", planted a quick peck on Daniel's cheek, and opened the door.
Walking back to his room, still breathing a bit heavily, he thought back over it all, and regretted nothing. He had left on the same friendly basis as with any of the girls he had been with, and had somehow found this much more satisfying physically. He found the novel experience of his bulky hairy body being desired exhilarating. While Jim's smooth body hadn't overly excited him, the feeling of Jim's cock certainly had.
He continued to explore more with Jim and others like him, smooth men who wanted to admire a big hairy body. Always he tried to give as much pleasure as he received, though he still felt something was missing. He moved from kissing, hugging and frottage to sucking and being sucked, finding increasing pleasure the more he shared. It took him a while to become fully aroused when with them, but he felt maybe that was just his shy nature. He was a man they enjoyed and wanted to experience pleasure with, but never was a bond formed that lasted beyond that pleasure. Always he was alone and content with that after, though he realized that maybe there could be more. Was it his own inner walls, or was it simply the type of experience he was having?
It so happened, as he opened himself more and more to these men he was with, with a single semester of college remaining, that his parents passed away in a house fire, dying in their sleep from smoke inhalation. The only people he truly had felt at ease with were suddenly gone, along with the home he had grown up in and the books that he been his companions. At the funeral, family friends cried with him, his walls down in his grief and sorrow. Acquaintances from high school shook his hand or offered quick hugs as they said their condolences. He felt the sincerity, the shared sorrow, but no bond of friendship. None of the men from college had come; theirs' was not that type of relationship. And as he dealt with the small details that were left to him, settling with the insurance in order to pay funeral expenses, selling the lot the house had stood upon, he did it all alone. He settled his feelings back inside that safe zone deep within himself, locking them away, knowing that he was not the type of person for whom deep feelings ran or would run for. Solitude became his comfort and the friend he sought.
Returning to school, he focused on making up missed classes and homework. Suddenly, the trysts he had so enjoyed became something to avoid. They had been infrequent enough that few noticed the difference. Again, a graduation came, and he could cordially congratulate his classmates as their families clustered around them, before walking over to finish packing the old station wagon that had survived the fire. He looked behind him at the dormitory that he had spent the last four years in, and realized that it wasn't home he was leaving, it was just a place he had stayed. He stepped into the car, closed the door, and drove off to begin again.
He bounced several times over the years, first to the city, where he found the job of his dreams in the publishing industry, editing books. The large company he was with was ideal, giving him a wide variety to work with, and he was quite successful. He found he could relate to his co-workers over the similarity of their interests, comparing books they were working on, sharing a laugh in the break room, talking yet not becoming close. Yet life in the city was not for him. No matter where he went, his large body was bumped into by the crowd. The cramped apartment he could afford had paper thin walls, and between the noise of his neighbors and heavy traffic and construction, he never felt alone. It left him nervous and tired.
So he moved to the suburbs of the same city, to a mid-sized company, promising to keep up with acquaintances at his office but not doing so. However, the suburbs were not a better fit for him. The duplex he rented still let him hear every noise next door. The neighbors were so busy climbing the social ladder that they couldn't spare the time to smile back. As the company strove to grow, he was forced to attempt to socialize and network to build the company, taking time away from actual editing. He felt an emptiness, not belonging either at home or work.
He briefly moved back to his old home town, taking a job at the local newspaper editing articles. He liked the small town feel, but found the fact that he knew the names of everyone but not the people themselves to be disconcerting. Instead of reaching out and meeting people, he found himself retreating further, adapting back to his avoidance habits from junior high school. The articles in the paper themselves became meaningless to him, taking the joy out of the job.
When the opportunity to edit for a fledgling publishing company several hours away came up, he was immediately drawn to it. It was in a small Midwestern town, yet a place where he knew no one. After his interview, as he walked through the small downtown, with its' park, river, shops, and large library, he felt a spark of the contentment that had left him so long ago. This was a place he felt he could belong. The company was small and happy to be so, the owners liked small town life and didn't want to lose that for themselves, their families, or their employees; it all seemed ideal. And so he moved that one final time, buying a small two bedroom home (one bedroom to sleep in, the other converted to a library of course) with a large yard where he could feel his privacy and yet still walk into town. That was well over ten years ago, and he had never regretted it.